Lately, I realised that I show too much affection to my surroundings that includes my close friends and other people in my life. Maybe I am a Cancerian and their nature is to give and get affection. I mostly give affection… Well honesty, as I look back I have to say that I showed and shared my affection with the wrong people. I hate the fact that I realised a bit too late.
It brings me to tears- thinking that all my heart2heart affection went in vain and such a waste of energy it has been.
So I have decided to be careful with whom I share my affection regardless if it is with my best friends or any other person. I feel that I am too naive and people tend to take advantage of me cause AFFECTION is my WEAKNESS. It really is upsetting me as I feel sad and emotional at the moment. Hope that I learn from my mistake and be happy with my life. Good luck to me!

I have some so called friends who act and think they are the smartest one on Earth. Moreover, when you hangout with them they try to insult you with such sweetness that you are left spellbound.
Well to be honest I have been through this and I used to think the best way is to laugh and let it go. But no! They keep on climbing on to you higher and higher eating you up from inside out like a cancer.
Some of them have been there with me through thick and thin but they just don’t know where to draw the line and stop this nuisance.
Most of all what I hate about those so called Friends of mine is that whatever they say is 100% correct and they don’t even want to know the other side of the story. Moreover, when I try to give them the taste of their own medicine: They start calling me - “You Are Evil!”
I feel as of heart broken now - it may sound like a cliché but it is the Truth - Yet again, I made myself be used and be abused. Silly me!
Is this friendship worth it or am I taking it too seriously?

Dear Self,
I don’t know why but I feel so heartless and feel like I have buried my heart in somewhere that I can’t even feel anything or even hear the heartbeat.
I was alright when I woke up - but then within few hours I felt numb. Can’t get in touch with my reality. Feel so lifeless and unhappy.
I can’t find the reason to this numbness. I feel awkward. Maybe I need space - maybe a timeout from the stuff that’s going around me - maybe I’m confused and need some restful sleep.
Hope that whatever is happening gets sorted out. Never want to be like this ever again.
—
Restless

Well it’s been months now and finally found out that yes This Z Guy is engaged and has a Fiancé! He says that the Fiancé doesn’t respect and love him but still they will get married due to family pressure and all.
However, lets recap - This Z Guy fell in love with another Girl (that’s my Bestie S) - although both know very well that he has a fiancé. So what I still don’t get is - why go on with a guy who already has a fiancé? Isn’t that cheating and being a player?
Also I do understand that my best friend has also fallen for this guy cause it just happened (according to her explanation). It could have been stopped.
But recently, Z mentioned that the fiancé has started to respect and love him. Also quoting, “I don’t find any reason to leave her now”. Such an assh@le!
The only fear that I have is that S knows that she can never have Z cause he will get married with the fiancé. Plus it will definitely break her heart. That’s not what I want to see her go through. Z still comes and spends quality time with my S and says he loves her so very much - bribing her with expensive Swarovski jewellers.
Wtf?! Seriously - I have started to dislike this guy so too very much!
But then again my friend S says : Let me fill up more good memories with him (as long as I can) cause I do not regret the time spent with him as I find the Love to be real.
Best possible solution - stop meeting this jerk! Why live in this lala land? When afterwards each and every good memory she has will get spoiled when he leaves for good..
Hope that you make the best decision!
Love you S …

Well.. Even before my close friend met this Guy from work - I had a feeling that he will tell my Close Friend “S” that he likes and would want to date her.
And exactly that happened!!
I saw that their connection was blossoming thanks to FaceBook and they were getting along. So before things could go deeper, I decided to keep a close eye over this Guy “Z”.
Met Z, where he works with S, briefly… Impression of Z nothing special. 2nd Meet up cause he came to drop me and S at home again it was very short - kind of okay. 3rdly, when I met him at our place - didn’t like him!! But our other close Friend ‘T’ is liking him as a friend. So S is fond of T cause both like Z. Well I am on a different page to be honest.
I know that I’m not the person whose opinion matters .. But still I feel there is something fishy about this guy!!! Cause I feel he hides himself behind singing (sings good) and avoids a normal conversation with me. Plus only talks what he knows mostly of..
However, I have respect for my girl S and I feel: There must be more to him than meets the eye, or else why would she be interested in him? Cause S is not the kind of girl who can be flattered easily. But Z found a way and swept her away. Not that S is in Love with him but likes him and their feeling is mutual. Plus, Z says that he loves her and S says I need time to know if I love you or not!
So I’m still skeptical about Z and I just can’t say that ‘oh he is so wonderful’ then I would be lying to myself and to my best friend!!! Can’t do that!
Hence, I told S that me and Z didn’t connect that much and that I find him okay. That’s all I said! Which I know didn’t make S happy at all from my side but I just couldn’t help it. Every person has the right to have a different opinion and I am one of them.
At the end of the day I would not want to see S getting hurt as I love her so very much!
But the bigger question is: Why do I have this dubious feeling regarding Z.. am I being too overprotective??

It’s way past my bedtime : 3.55am to be exact! Anger is creeping up into my body. I can feel my blood rushing through my Brain. It hurts!
I need to change myself, my attitude and need to put a fucking barrier saying ‘No Entry’ into my personal life and space.
I really don’t know why my friends are taking me for granted… Whenever they need help they put me in dilemma and expect me to be with them whenever and wherever!
There is a limit to this same old shit being repeated with me, I know why - because - I never say No!!!
For instance, me coming back from University classes, waking up from 7am and attending till 5pm is enough for the day. Moreover one of my Friend just opens up my door without even the decency of knocking at the door, rambling comes in ’ I forgot blah blah.. You need to come with me now to the other house!!’
What the hell? I am freaking tired lying in the bed, but no her stuff is more important than anything in the world. At least she could have informed me earlier then I wouldn’t have felt irritated.
So my friends only use me when they need me otherwise I’m just another jukebox lying at the corner.
Time to change - Better late than sorry :$

Sometimes .. No .. Most of the times I feel that I am being ignored by my closest friends. Whereas, I try to balance out and keep everyone equally occupied. There have been times, where my Friend leaves me and supports the other one. It’s not been done one or twice but so many times that I have lost count. I don’t know why this keeps re-occurring .. Am I wrong? I try to tie up this friendship with me forever but it seems like the knot is loosening up. How long can I hold this friendship remains a question .. I feel betrayed sometimes cause I don’t get that much attention whereas the other one does. Just because I cannot express my inner feelings doesn’t mean that I am perfect. I have a heart too and it bleeds when cut. My Friend stays 10 seconds with me and with the other one 10mins. Why? Why so much imbalance? Why this difference? It hurts .. Adele was right : “sometimes in love .. it hurts instead”. It’s like always me who has to take actions and change or am I becoming too much of an attention seeker? They joke around with me, piss me off most of the times and laugh off. But just when they need me that’s when the call me mostly. So, I don’t see this to be the right way.. Use me and then keep me aside? I have to be strong so that this doesn’t happens. I need to change and be moody and selfish at times. I am an open book and I guess it’s time to lock it up..

Getting my hands on Guitar is just awesome! Loving the feeling of it! Thanks to my Naughty-cum-Crazy Friends who presented to me the Guitar! I’m back Strumming! Rockstar in the House! x